What finals?

I know, I've got finals...but let's face it, procrastination is the college way.

I have had the weirdest term of my life. It's been hard. I've had crazy shit thrown at me, and been expected to deal with it in an adult manner. And I have, for the most part. Some of the "adult" ways of dealing with things really aren't all that mature, when you think about it. But I digress.

I've come back to the states, and back to the suburbs. That's been hard enough as it. It's a strange feeling coming back, and it's hard. So for anyone else going though that transition, it's normal to hate life a little when you get back to the old ways of the US of A. I've gone through a relationship and a breakup for the first time in about two and a half years. Which, while both wonderful and terrible, was a big growing experience for me. I've learned a lot about myself through that whole situation. I've made my choice of career path this year. I'm going into Peace Corps for sure after graduation, which is terrifying and exhilarating. I just can't wait to get out on my own and explore the world and do something important. But more than that, I've rekindled my passion for theatre and costume design. I made something beautiful, and I have never been more proud of my work. I made my triumphant return to the stage, in a little one act for the directing class. Not much, but it was really great to get back on stage again.

this term:
I adapted
I changed
I loved
I made new friends
I laughed
I was miserable
I worked hard
I almost quit
I put myself aside
I cried
I grew up
I put myself first
I made a home

And next term, who knows?

Easter Egg for Valentines

So, this particular blog is not being posted on my google+ or my facebook or twitter accounts. In a way, it's like an Easter Egg on a DVD for you. If you really care to read my blogs, you'll find it. And if you don't, then you'll never know. Hence the title. Moving on.

When I was younger, I my first celebrity crush was Cary Elwes, of Men in Tights and Princess Bride fame. And that's what I thought I wanted for a long time. Someone valiant, snarky, who would do everything to protect me, his Buttercup or Maid Marian. Then I got older, and I wanted the Doctor. Someone to run around with having all sorts of amazing adventures, learning new things, going new places. Now I'm not saying I'm completely mature, but I think my tastes have grown quite a bit.

Now I want a romance like Marshall and Lily. Best friends that love the hell out of each other, can joke around, are super supportive, and rarely mushy. Because love isn't holding in your farts. Love isn't doing your makeup perfectly every time you see them. Love isn't putting on a fake persona to match what they like. Love isn't abuse. Love isn't a power struggle. Love isn't a lot of things that the world would like us to think.

This isn't going to be one of those posts where I tell you everything like I'm an expert on the subject. Because I'm not. I missed the Juliet phase of my teenage life where I was hopelessly in love with a boy I barely knew. In fact, I had a lot of infatuations in my teenage years, but none of them were love. None of my relationships counted for anything, because I honestly wasn't in love with any of them. But all those experiences have shaped what love is for me now.

Love is: honesty, even when it really sucks. Loyalty, through the really tough situations. Laughter, whenever possible. Playing games with each other. Teaching that old dog a new trick. Cuddling up and watching their favorite movie, even though they recite the lines like a moron. Watching them do something stupid and crazy in front of your friends, and laughing instead of getting mad. Looking at each other, and knowing what's going through their minds. Accepting them where they are. Not trying to change them. Knowing their faults, and not having that change your perception of them. It's friendship set on fire. It's all those cheesy things and none of them at the same time. It's kind of awesome.

And I'll find it...eventually.

So...What are you going to do with that?

Matt Lauer Sucks

Here's to you, art major. And to you, philosophy major! To the majors in Liberal Studies, Gender and Women's Studies, Anthropology, Music, Religious Studies, and History. (Let's not forget my new and lovely major, Theatre.) And this what I have to say to all of the people majoring in these areas, GOOD FOR YOU!!!

I, as a very important member of society, would like to thank you for your contribution to the world. Thank you for choosing to study something that you find incredibly interesting, without focusing on the lucrative benefits for you and you only. Social change majors? You're awesome. I know that a lot of us get the question, "So, what are you going to do with that degree?" followed with a scowl and a heavy load of judgement. You wanna know what we're going to do with those degrees? Whatever the hell we want.

Yeah, I'm even defending this guy.

I have a double major in Spanish and Theatre. So, naturally, the question I always get is: "So, you wanna do Spanish plays?" Maybe. Not necessarily. Those just happen to be the two subjects I find incredibly and innately fascinating. And I love my classes. I'm not miserable in my undergrad, like I was when I was an education minor. Undergrad is too short to take classes that you hate. And maybe you'll never get a job in your chosen field. So why wouldn't you spend as much time as you could learning about it? The world needs more people who are in love with what they do. I love theatre more than anything I've done my whole life. In fact, I've wanted to be an actress since I was 3 years old. It's my oldest and strongest passion. I've gone through spurts in my life where I've wanted to be a mechanic, a lawyer, a teacher, and even a minister at one point. But those things come and go, because I lacked the passion to focus on them. But theatre? That's my love. I know I can always be happy in a job where there's a stage and lots of lights.

So you! The one who chose to study something you're absolutely in love with, and everyone thinks you're crazy for it? Good for you. Keep it up. And if they give you hell, tell them to shove it.

Slice of my Mind

As I get back into the swing of life in the good old US of A, I realize how precious my down-time is to me. And tonight, I have an hour to kill before I go to sleep, and it's a lovely feeling. Although I have plenty of things I need to do (laundry, mostly. But I still have underwear left to get me through the weekend.) I choose to watch some YouTube clips and put on my sweatpants. (Also because I need to do laundry)

You know what I love? Pizza. I know this blog just took a random turn, but keep up with the pace, or get out! I don't need your negativity. Okay, are all the haters gone? Let's talk about pizza.
My one true love, the one that never gets me down, gooey cheesy pizza. While I was traveling, I missed pizza more than my family (sorry, everyone, it's true). Spanish pizza is just too healthy tasting...ugh. When I'm having a bad day, nothing makes me feel better than pizza and a movie. Comfort food doesn't cover it. If I'm having a wonderful day, let's celebrate by getting a pizza! If my day is average, I eat an average pizza. From deep dish, to thin crust, stuffed crust, pan, or frozen pizza, it just makes my day better. You know how if you have type of food too many times you get really sick of it, and just don't want it for a while? That's not the case.

In 7th grade, I started having allergic reactions to something that made my tongue and lips swell. Which was not pleasant for a 13 yr old, being awkward enough. For a while we thought it might have been tomatoes that were causing the problem. Instead of just taking pizza out of my diet, the guys at my favorite restaurant made my pizza with special sauce without tomato. I love it too much.

I realize I just wrote an entire post about pizza. I know that it's a weird thing to put out into the internet, but we all have our vices. If you think you don't have a thing for something, you should step back and look at your life and look at your choices. You all have your pizza, just like I have mine.

P.S. Pepperoni is the best

Beauty-full

About what mine looked like today

As much as I hate being in the land of the frozen cars and bare trees, there still is beauty to be found. Every day, I leave my house and crunch through the leaves on my way to class. Some days they are crunchy from being what they are, dead leaves. Other days from frost, and today from ice. And I love walking over them, and the sound they make beneath my Chucks.

I go to class. I look at all these old classrooms that still use chalkboards. And why shouldn't they? Chalk still works just as well now as it did twenty years ago. But dry erase boards don't have that same smell. They don't leave white lines all over the professor's arm. You can't break a marker in half and still use it. Chalkboards are cool. They make me happy.

Then I come home. And I have plenty of food, and all the water I could possibly need. I have a warm bed to sleep in. And everything is so peaceful. I can spin and twirl in the parlor, and warm myself by the stove in the kitchen, and everything is fine.

Everything is fine. There's no need to rush. Life is so much more enjoyable when you're living it.

What Surrealist Cinema does to me...

At the beginning of the semester I thought, hey! Surrealist Cinema sounds like a fun way to spend finals writing papers and doing projects on. And apparently sentence structure is no longer a priority.

I have spent the past three days watching surrealist films and I'm about to go legitimitely insane. Seriously. I'm watching The Seashell and the Clergyman, and I started narrating/singing along to the movie. First of all, it's a silent film, so I have to entertain myself somehow. Second of all, the same guy has been opening the same door for 5 minutes! I can't take it anymore!!! I've already gotten on Pinterest twice to clear my mind and try to think rationally. About cats saying funny things. (They can't spell, they're cats! What a concept!)

See? I'm going crazy. Plus, I've been in my room by myself for 3 days now. Because it's the weekend before finals and I need to watch all of this stuff for my final project! Vicious circle. Absolutely vicious. Someone needs to keep an eye on that circle, or it's going to hurt someone. sad;klfjawoifj

So, I've decided to add some pictures from the past year or so when I've been working on projects and needed to distract myself with some pure Carlee-craziness, and my laptop camera. Enjoy my insanity!

Remember when I dyed my hair purple? That was fun times

I have pigtails, piggy piggy pigtails!!

My necklace has a flavor...

I hate papers, I will shoot myself with my handgun. 

Make this madness stop!!!!!

I wonder what it will look like if I wear my hair like this to school...

Found a new feature on my webcam?! Try them all!!!

I'm wearing mom pants...how to make them look sexy? Cleavage!!

Look at me...so sexy and serious. Seriously needing to stop taking pictures on my webcam. 

And we're up to date with my feelings as of today. 

So, nobody has ever seen these before, and now I just put them all over the internet. This is how low I've gotten. This is my life. So I'm going to get back to work. Until Surrealist cinema makes me want to blow my brains out again. Which will probably be in about 19-23 minutes.

MiniBlog

Here it comes, my tiny rant of the day.
I'm tired. I've been attempting to work on my 2 big finals all freakin weekend. Why is it so damn difficult for me to just focus and get something done? I have never been diagnosed with an attention disorder, but sometimes I swear there's something wrong with me. To procrastinate today, I started looking at summer internships, and then started a slideshow of my trip to Spain, and now I'm writing this blog. Now, to be fair, I did type up like 30 pages of notes, watched half of a film, and read/annotated half of an article. This whole weekend. I also watched 3 movies, went ice skating, had lunch with a friend (and delightful cupcakes), and went to church today. This is how bad my procrastinating has gotten. I went to church, after 3 months of not going. And I was looking at internships. While these things are very important, I need to get my stuff done! This is the second to last week in Barcelona, and I really want to spend it with friends, and going out, but I really really really need to get ahead on my projects. I have two ten page papers, and 3 big tests. And I need to make a dent on this stuff.
But right now, I really need to go to sleep. Because this is getting out of hand.
Night world