Body Peace of Mind

Hi All!

So this issue of body peace has been at the forefront of my mind lately. Do we accept how we look, no matter what? When do we stop being okay with how we look, and start trying to change everything about it? (Yes I know this topic is widely discussed, and is not even a little bit original.) However, I would like to share my body peace story...stories...we'll see how far I get today!

I am now 21, almost 22(holytwentiesbatman!!), and I've finally reached some semblance of body peace. I weigh around 165, I assume. I don't weigh myself regularly, because I don't believe that to be a healthy mindset to live with. Coming into college, I weighed about 140, and I thought I was hott. With two t's. Looking back at those pictures, I was skinny. I exercised every day the summer before college, determined to beat the freshman 15. It turned out to be the freshman-sophomore 25, but that's fine! Because now I look at how skinny my arms were, and I realize that I was freakin hungry. I mean, I love pizza more than most people, and I was depriving myself of that cheesy deliciousness so that I looked skinny. Even my boyfriend at the time told me that he didn't want me to lose any more weight. *red flag*

Now, I'm at the opposite problem. I haaaaate exercise. I associate it with judgement, self-loathing, and insecurity. As we all know, I hate those things. I love myself, pizza, and my couch. This whole idea that since I weigh more than the average person, I need to fix myself is MESSED UP. I love my body at a size 8-12 (stupid clothing stores). I do realize that I should be healthier, only eat like 3 meals a day instead of 6, but I will do that on my own, without people telling me that I "can still get that off." GAH! My body is not up for discussion. Not from my mother who said the aformentioned quote, my step-father who constantly comments on how much weight I've gained, or from friends who comment on the size of my boobs. NOT OKAY. I've been working really hard to accept my curves, cellulite, and blemishes. And yet....

I get ready for work today, and I put on a sleeveless shirt and a high waisted, kinda short skirt. And I stare at the mirror, in this outfit I've worn at least twice before, judging every last thing that someone could possibly find wrong with it. Do my legs look too big? Should I put on tights so that people won't look at them too closely. Is my waist small enough to pull off this skirt? Am I showing just the right amount of boobage? Are my arms too fat for a sleeveless shirt? And then something magical happened. I stopped. I walked into the living room where my roommate was sitting on the couch. "I love that skirt!" *phew*  It's fine. Of course it's fine, it's always fine. My body is flawed, so is Heidi Klum's. I've been rocking this stuff since I was 5. I'm not going to let myself get in the way of wearing what I want. Shut up, insecure-me.

My main point being: Love who you are. I know we all have trouble with that, and it will probably be a lifelong struggle. But don't go to the gym just because you want to be 20 pounds lighter, go because you want to finish that marathon in September. Don't starve yourself to look smaller, you'll just freakin pass out, and that's not hot. Love yourself, because I love you, and I care about you. And if you want to order a large pizza and eat it all by yourself, don't! Because I would like some too : )

Loooooooooooooooooooooove! Carlee Beth